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World’s Funniest Fiction Bloopers

By |June 1st, 2003|

THE GREAT GATSBY by F. Scott Fitzgerald

And as I sat there, brooding on the old unknown world, I thought of Gatsby’s wonder when he first picked out the blue…, wait, no, green light at the end of Daisy’s dock. […]

Comedy-By-Numbers: Foolproof Techniques That’ll Make Anyone Funny (Even You)

By |August 28th, 2008|

If I could impart only one pearl of wisdom to the fledgling comedy writer, it would be this: Give up. […]

Three Stories About Death

By |December 15th, 2008|

ONE

I came home from school and my parents told me that the cat was dead. There was a lot of crying; weirdly, more from them than me. It wasn’t because they were particularly fond of the cat—he was overweight and aggressive and as my dad liked to point out, “an asshole”—they were just worried about me. […]

Ghostwriter Blues

By |April 3rd, 2007|

I sat in the car for several minutes, just watching the crowd slowly file into the bookstore. […]

Two Seemingly Unrelated Stories About Fathers

By |July 8th, 2011|

ONE

My grandfather was a doctor. And for at least a few hours, he was convinced that I would follow in his footsteps. […]

Driving Through Chicago with a Trunk Full of Dead Dogs

By |July 8th, 2011|

Growing up, I thought I might want to be an animal doctor someday. Not because I had any interest in veterinary medicine. I was just a fan of Dr. Dolittle, the 1967 musical with Rex Harrison. As far as I knew, all veterinarians wore top hats and sang their prescriptions and had exotic patients like a llama with an extra head coming out of its ass. […]

Hobo Balls (And Other Things That Shouldn’t Be Compared With Wine)

By |June 17th, 2008|

It wasn’t always this way. During my 20s, I was able to drink socially without making a complete ass of myself. Sure, I made the occasional alcohol-related mistake. There was at least one college mishap involving a bottle of generic rum and projectile vomiting across a crowded dorm room. But like it does for everybody, mindless intoxication lost its charm as I got older and learned how to recognize my limits. […]

The Day the Aliens Brought Pancakes

By |February 15th, 2004|

“If it happened again, I don’t think I’d tell anybody about it.” — Joe Simonton, a Wisconsin chicken farmer who claimed he received pancakes from aliens, April 18, 1961

It was a strange day. The kind of day you think about later and say, “That sure was a strange day.” […]

About the Author

By |October 1st, 2003|

Eric Spitznagel has been a professional journalist and humorist for well over a decade. […]

Useless and Far Too Personal Simpsons Trivia

By |August 6th, 2007|

Bart’s full name is Bartholomew Jojo Simpson. Milhouse’s full name is Milhouse Mussolini Van Houten. Krusty the Clown’s full name is either Herschel Schmoikel Krustofski or Herschel Pinkus Yerucham Krustofski, depending on which episode you believe. […]

An Open Letter to Iran Concerning Its New Porn Worker Execution Policy

By |June 20th, 2007|

Hello, Iran. […]

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