I just found out that Care To Make Love In That Gross Little Space Between Cars? is going to be made into a board game. (You: “No it’s not.”) I’m not kidding. Like a Mattel game or something. (You: “Stop lying.”) No, seriously, this is a real thing that’s really happening!

So I’m talking to one of the editors involved, and she’s like “If we were publishing Ulysses I’d say no game, but given the subject matter….” And I’m like, whoa whoa, hold the phone, why the hell has nobody made a Ulysses board game yet? It’s be like Chutes and Ladders but with more dirty puns and confusing stream-of-conscious rules. Who wants to take this idea and make a million dollars?